I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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