just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
