this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
