Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
nutella sex= disaster
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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