slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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