tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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