She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
