it wasn't lemon gatorade
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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