He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
