I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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