Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
