I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
