tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
