I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
