careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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