i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
