East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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