She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
