she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
