the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Text me some of your sweat
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
