things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Pooping to opera.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
