the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
