The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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