everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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