I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
