If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
