i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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