My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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