I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
