If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
