The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this just has baby written all over it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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