Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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