Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
