And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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