I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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