Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
