I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
