i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
