Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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