Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
