the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
