Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
