I am puke
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
