Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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