Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life