forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."