I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"