How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.