he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
