guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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