My first STD was from a foam party
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
