Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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