you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
