Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Acid is not a monday night drug
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
