OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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