i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
