I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
