He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
