You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
