some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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