I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
