My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
