just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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