We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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