just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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