The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
