I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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