Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize